Day 10 : Saturday 6th May

Woke up with good intentions to relax, had a lie in and a bath. After making some breakfast I sat down to eat it (with a smoothie, of course) and the dog walks in having rolled in something disgusting! 

As I showered him off in a frustrated, angry state my breakfast got cold. Then OH phones from work in a foul mood because his boss sucks. I balled it. I cannot cope with him being unhappy and me being unhappy too. I’m putting pressure on him to cheer me up and keep a positive mental state when he has problems too. 

The dog is trying to apologise and is cuddling up to me. He still smells but I’m going to accept the love.

My brother is having birthday drinks. It does sound like fun but I’m just a bit “meh” at the moment. He knows about the IVF so I’ve made my excuses and he seems accepting of it. I went to see a friend I hadn’t seen in years today and had such a good time. On my way home to mope in the house another friend messaged to say their date had cancelled on them. I sat back to think “Do I want to go over there? Am I doing this for me or for them?” Realised I was doing it for me too, had another lovely time!

I know to be stress free I shouldn’t twist myself for other people. I need to be selfish for a while. Thinking though things like that made my decision more clear in my own head and made me enjoy myself much more. I’m sure she was glad of the company too. I get a sense of guilt as I am still out and about but not with my brother who’s birthday it is. But that kind of guilt leads to stress. Also, at the moment in is more important for me to be in a house having tea and a natter than in a pub surrounded by drunk people drinking cranberry juice.


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