Saturday 9th September: lead up to embryo transfer

I have been decorating and got so into it my injection was 45 mins late. Just after injecting I feel a bit woozy and going up a ladder was probably not the best thing! I am caught between wanting to carry on as usual and taking it easy.

I’m wallpapering the baby’s room. I know this is a bit like tempting fate and lots of people wouldn’t be doing this. I know, though, that if the IVF is unsuccessful then I would try to adopt. And if I can’t adopt then I still have loads of lovely nieces and nephews who I’d want to stay and feel welcome. I’m one of those aunties who isn’t your real auntie as well as being an actual auntie. I wouldn’t want to be decorating whilst pregnant so it has to be done now.

Before moving house we decorated our spare room as a babies room so this is actually the second kids room I’ve done!

The wallpaper we used in both babies rooms we made was for an older child really. Colourful stars in the flat and a vintage Mickey Mouse cartoon for this one. This is thinking ahead! If the IVF doesn’t work, the room will need to be suitable for a 5+ year old (as this is usually the age adoption happens). I figure, if IVF works, the baby won’t be able to recognise the wallpaper for a while (or really care what is on it) and it means we can keep it for years and years!

I know this all sounds a bit like I’ve given up on the IVF. I haven’t at all! I just need to be practical and realistic. Yes, there has been successful steps so far, but, there are still many steps to go. Our embryos are not very strong and they still need to implant, attach and grow safely. To assume it will all work would be foolhardy and result in broken hearts and feelings at a later date. To also assume it won’t work would be just as foolish. Again, there is this situation where you are caught in the middle of two unknowns.

I guess, that is life though isn’t it? We never really know what is coming up and just prepare ourselves as best we can. Protect our feelings as best we can. This blog is helping me to consider this moment in time, so is a process in mindfulness really. I’d recommend writing a blog or a diary for anyone going through this process, it really does help.

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